I love to write. Sometimes I forget or find myself distracted but in the end the exhilaration and subsequent peace I feel when writing re-emerges. It's one of those things that animates me and keeps me talking. I cannot help it. However, that also means I disappear for periods of time, participate in family activities half-heartedly on occasion, and even miss some conversations because I am jotting notes or typing on my netbook/laptop/phone as necessary. It's a sickness really, at the very least it has to be classified as an obsession. Are there groups for such things? Hello, my name is Tracy and I am addicted to writing. It affects my "real" life in so much as the writing does not yet pay enough to be classified as my "real" life. Someday it will be. I know it.
My kids ask me how I know. Well, my daughter more than my son. It is as if he believes in me as much as I believe in myself. My son never questions when I say I will be an author. He says, "Mommy, you ARE an author." My daughter corrects him and says "Not yet, Mommy will not be a real author until she pays her bills with her books." I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. But maybe that is me just trying to validate both children. It says a lot about their personalities, I think. My daughter is very grounded and logical with a VERY solid head on her shoulders - not that she doesn't dream or enjoy writing and creative outlets, she just looks at the reality of our situation and keeps us all well-grounded. My son on the other hand will always be my dreamer. However, he is the more intuitive of the two. He sees things as they are and as they should be all at once. I believe it is a gift, a wonderful, glorius gift that he has such insight at such a young age. Yes, yes, I brag on my kiddos. What mother does not? They amaze me and inspire me. I write as much for them as for myself. This summer has seen me taking many risks in this leap of faith and I hope it teaches them to do what they love - what they obsess over - rather than live life halfway in an empty, lackluster job. Yes, I have to work ever so much harder but how much work is it when I find it this enjoyable? In my aging mind I understand more than I did at 16 or 19 or even 24. As my birthday approaches (at the end of next month), I understand that life is too short and without fighting for our dreams and obsessions we watch our life pass by. Days pass and memories are tainted with regret and "what could have beens" innumerable.
So, I ask you all now, do you sit in your office or your shop or your factory and watch life pass you by, watch your dreams fade into dust? I hope not. Your dreams may be nothing like mine. You may like your office job but don't you want to travel? Own a convertible? See an NFL game in every NFL stadium? I hope you all find your obsession and see it through. Big or small, it can change your life and make it exponentially better. Good luck and obsess away!